Information About Anger
Read the following sections and empower yourself by learning about anger and what you can do to reduce excessive anger.
Anger Management - Greater Toronto Area
Pick a section:
Situations and conditions that can lead to anger
What is the purpose of anger management?
Anger interventions (actions to take).
Anger Management Program (Court approved, Ontario).
Anger is a natural emotion that we as humans commonly experience. All emotions are energy sources, so anger can be seen as an energy source that produces movement towards certain goals. You may notice that anger moves you to retain certain repetitive and destructive habits. It gives you the capacity to act in relation to whatever you may think is wrong or whatever has upset you. Anger is typically experienced as an almost automatic inner response to hurt, frustration, fear or pain.
Another way of looking at anger is that it is a state of physical readiness. When we are angry, we are prepared to act. It should not be confused with aggression, which is only one type of anger expression.
Anger is normally accompanied by certain physiological reactions in the body such as increased levels of adrenaline in the blood stream, increased heart rate, rapid but shallow breathing, dilated pupils, sweating in the palms, and a tight feeling in the chest.
Anger becomes a problem for many people when it gets out of control and when it overtakes them. This is because in a state of anger people usually make poor choices. This often leads to negative effects, such as verbal and/or physical aggression which in turn causes negative consequences.
Some situations/conditions that could lead to anger
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Anger is fundamentally caused by the way a person thinks or perceives certain situations. The following factors could serve as triggers, resulting in anger:
• Perceived loss of control
• Feeling disrespected
• Feeling frustrated
• Unfulfilled expectations
• Lack of consideration
• Confrontational persons/situations
• Sibling rivalry (e.g. competing for the love of a parent)
• Organization being disrupted
• Mimicking behavior on the part of others
• Feeling ignored
• Put downs by others
• False accusations
• Provocation by peers/others
• Intimidation on the part of others
• Being talked down to
• Perception of injustice
• Perception of not being believed
• Abuse (physical, emotional & sexual) – past and present
• Failure to achieve one’s goal(s)
• Deprived of love/nurturance
• Shortage of money
• Being cut-off on the road while driving
• Losses of different sorts, for example, the death of a parent/spouse etc.
• Physical injury/pain e.g. migraine headaches.
What is the purpose of anger management?
The word management means to work upon or alter for a specific purpose(s) or goal(s).
The purpose of anger management is to enable one to express his/her anger in a healthy and assertive way, and to take constructive action. When anger is expressed appropriately, one can avoid loss of control which could lead to acting out in anti-social or destructive ways. Such course of action can reduce the various negative effects excessive anger on the individual, family and society at large.
Anger Interventions
Actions that you can take to master your anger:
Many people feel powerless in managing their anger. However, by taking appropriate action, you could change this.
Actions you can take to reduce excessive anger:
• Try to develop some clarity as to what elicits or causes anger in you. Consider what provokes you and what thoughts or past associations trigger anger within you. This understanding alone may serve to reduce the intensity of your anger.
• Reduce your overall level of stress by stress-reduction strategies e.g. breath awareness and breathing exercises based on Eastern traditions.
• Think about the negative consequences of your excessive anger, often accompanied by a loss of control. Consider how this affects your close relationships.
• Remember, you can have all your needs met by negotiation and without excessive anger. You do not have to prove yourself by getting angry or winning against someone.
• Challenge your trigger thoughts e.g. the “should(s)” you are imposing on yourself.
• Help your inner child to heal, especially in the case of childhood trauma.
• Avoid, whenever possible, people and situations that could trigger your anger
• Avoid taking matters personally as much as you can; this would help to avoid emotionalizing certain issues.
• Avoid a victim mentality. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim in life, consider yourself as an agent in charge of your future/destiny.
• Listen to your inner voice and follow your convictions.
• Talk positively to yourself. This is a choice you can make in the face of anger triggers which can reduce the intensity of anger reaction.
• Choose physical exercises you enjoy and exercise regularly e.g. swimming, basketball.
• Practice problem solving communication rather than blaming/fault-finding, etc.
• Give up the need to control others/situations that are beyond your ability to do so. Remember the only person you can control is yourself.
• Accept the unchangeable aspects of your life - even though you may not agree with it – you can still strive to change those life circumstances that are in your control.
• Keep a daily anger journal to record events where you get angry. Note what triggers your anger, your thoughts at that moment and what you did after. Keep track of your anger management progress in your journal and refer to it steadily for support.
The following is a letter I wrote in response to a question from a client.
How can I learn to control my temper?
First of all, I want to say that anger is a very pervasive problem in our society and the level of anger in some individuals seems to be spiraling out of control. As a society, we pay a huge cost for uncontrolled anger in the form of broken families, medical bills and entanglements with the law.
I want to commend you for your courage in taking responsibility for your angry behaviour rather than blaming it on others. This is certainly a step in the right direction.
Your anger is a sign that something needs to be changed in your life, that you are fearful, sad or deeply hurting inside.
Learning to control your temper involves being able to assertively communicate your angry feelings and more importantly, being able to locate and heal the source(s) of your anger. Always remember, feelings that are not identified and expressed, will be acted out.
To manage your anger effectively, you may need a combination of different methods, some of which are:
• Experiential emotional approaches such as psychodrama, which allows you to act-out your anger in a safe setting.
• Physical forms of release/ exercise: walking, running, swimming.
• Intensive inner-child work:
The ‘inner child’ is the feeling part of you that is spontaneous and playful. Hurtful childhood experiences or childhood trauma may have harmed your inner child and you may be carrying around residual pain. This may be restimulated from time to time leading you to get angry or you may be using anger to block the pain of these early childhood experiences.
• Breathing exercises drawn mainly from the Eastern traditions such as Buddhism, which focus on mindfulness.
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Mindfulness means living in the moment; not necessarily for the moment. It entails bringing your awareness and senses to whatever you are doing in the present moment and not focusing on the past or future. To do so, attention is placed on the breath as it enters and leaves the nostrils. This has a powerful effect on both the mind and body, as the breath is the link between these two. The overall aim is to observe one’s anger triggers and feelings without identifying with or acting on these.
The above methods would help you to transform the anger into grief, a form of emotional suffering which in turn could be transformed into healing and wellness.
Once you begin to release old, pent-up angry feelings, you will find that controlling and redirecting your anger energy towards positive goals will become easier. The frequency and length of your anger episodes will diminish and you will not react from an angry state of mind.
Perhaps one of the best gifts you can give yourself and others is to learn how to avoid getting excessively angry by expressing it appropriately. In the process you will make yourself and others around you happy.